I want my boyfriend to cheat on me?

-My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, and when we first started going out he was wonderful to me. However, he started sneaking around, lying to me, ignoring me, sexually and emotionally abusing me....and I guess my self-esteem was too low that I decided what he was doing to me was normal and that I didn't deserve to be treated well. I always did everything I possibly could for him, but slowly I realized that he was being a horrible boyfriend. So I started talking to him more and telling him that he was hurting me more than anything else.

Slowly he started being better to me...he's very nice to me now, and treats me the way he used to, but I guess the damage was done.

I was depressed for years before we met, and I've become depressed once again. Sometimes I just want him to be an a**hole to me again just so I can feel horrible about myself like I used to :( I haven't always been like this though. When we first were together and he was nice, I was perfectly happy being treated well....but after he changed on me I just want to feel like sh*t all the time.

Why do I want him to be horrible to me? It doesn't make sense~sometimes i feel that way too. back in 2008 me and my boyfriend had horrible fights, he talks to girls behind my back and things like that and i would always take him back. in my head i felt like i liked it. then we broke up for about a year and got back together and he didn't do things like that anymore. and i wondered why youknow? it seems like i loved him more when he did cheat on me. and i even told him that and he would just look at me like im crazy. but truthfully, i think that its just what were use to, its what your use to now, him treating you bad. but its wrong. him making you feel bad about yourself makes you degrade yourself, makes you lose respect for yourself. its like your abusing yourself. and i honestly think you should find the time to be yourself again, because it seems like being in the relationship you have now, you've lost yourself. and when you lose yourself, it will hurt you in the long run. trust me, i've been there. so i suggest you take the time to just find yourself again. and just take a break from him. thats what i did and i feel much better about myself now. but whatever you do i hope you do whats right for you! because no women should feel like crap. be strong! :) lmk how things end up. God Bless.If hes that bad to you, dump his a**. A lot of people suffer from depression and low self esteem, but think, he doesnt deserve you. If he abuses you to make himself feel big, forget him. He's a douche. If he makes you feel bad about yourself hes obviously bad for you. No one honestly likes hating themselves, its just a shell to make yourself accept other people more.

Prioritise yourself and our emotional wellbeing, not anyone else.
It sounds like you have very low self esteem. I think you should talk to a therapist.
I think you need to talk to him about this and go see a therapist.



BEST OF LUCK!
:/
I was that boyfriend. Like holy ****. I've been dating my girlfriend for 19 days short of two years. She used to be terribly depressed and when we met, I made it all better. But she became controlling of me and mean to my friends. So one day, I met another girl and told her all my problems and basically never confronted my girlfriend about how she made me feel. The other girl and I fell for eachother and I had an emotional affair. Somehow my girlfriend and I got back together after all of this and I've been nothing but perfect for her. She seems to be happy now. But this makes me worry lol.

Sounds like you just want a sense of normality and the dramatic impact of the episode made those feelings native. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel, and if he's anything like me, he would fix it